a small dose of reality

In the same week that it launched its much-touted iPad, Apple introduced its latest game-changer to the tech marketplace, a text-sharing device called the CoTex.  "There are a lot of texting devices out there that can absorb data," said Apple founder Steve Jobs.  "But nothing absorbs more than a CoTex."

Mr. Jobs said that when used in conjunction with Apple's just-released mobile device, the AllWays StayFree, "the CoTex has what it takes to handle a heavy flow of information."  When asked about the flurry of new products that Apple has released at the end of January, Mr. Jobs mused, "I guess it's that time of the month."

          Copywrite 2010 - BG

     Visit the new and improved

 Barry G. webstie:  asmalldoseofreality

Good riddance to bad rubbish.  That crybaby needs to hit the unemployment line.   Conan gets job with QVC.  Conan O’Brien is close to an agreement to leave NBC, resolving a stalemate with the network after he refused to host the “Tonight Show” in a later time period, said two people with knowledge of the discussions.  An agreement may be reached by tomorrow, said the people, who asked not to be named because negotiations are private. The talks could still fall apart, said one of the people. NBC will pay about $40 million to O’Brien and members of his staff and will allow him to work at another network, the New York Times reported earlier.

          Copywrite 2010 - BG

     Visit the new and improved

 Barry G. webstie:  asmalldoseofreality

In what some in the White House are calling a "win/win" solution to the nation's airport security and health care reform problems, starting next month U.S. airports will begin conducting full body scans that will double as annual physical checkups.  President Obama announced the breakthrough solution, telling reporters, "With this all-purpose exam, we will be able to find everything from a hidden weapon to a spot on your lung."

After scanning a passenger, Mr. Obama said, "We will either give you a clean bill of health or wrestle you to the ground."  The President added that instituting the body scan/checkup could ward off some terrorists right from the start, "because a lot of them will balk at the $25 co-pay."  But according to Davis Logsdon, who studies terrorism and health care reform at the University of Minnesota, the body scans may attract more terrorists than they deter: "If there's one complaint that terrorists have about al-Qaeda it's that they have lousy benefits."

          Copywrite 2010 - BG

     Visit the new and improved

 Barry G. webstie:  asmalldoseofreality.com

In the wake of the Christmas Day airline terror attempt, the Department of Homeland Security today said it was instituting a bold new series of security measures, including issuing an official "proof of terrorism" I.D. card.  "All potential terrorists must have the terrorist I.D. card in order to be barred from boarding," said Homeland Security secretary Janet Napolitano.  "If you want to get on the no-fly list you'll need a completed application and the $25 fee."

Ms. Napolitano said that while the terror suspect's father had warned the U.S. about his son weeks before the incident, the Homeland Security Dept. was tightening rules in that area as well: "In the future, it will be necessary for a terrorist's mom and dad to warn us before we take it seriously."  The Homeland Security chief said that her department would continue to crack down on the primary threat to air safety: shampoo.

"We will be looking out for shampoo like never before," she said.  "If you want to smuggle it on board, you had better hide it with your bomb-making supplies."  She also praised the Department's decision to ban in-flight bathroom use: "One thing every terrorist has in common is that they eventually need to pee." 

          Copywrite 2009 - BG

     Visit the new and improved

 Barry G. webstie:  asmalldoseofreality.com

I won't insult your intelligence by suggesting that you really believe what you just said. 

William F. Buckley, Jr.

TO MY FRIENDS AND LOYAL READERS, MAY YOU SHARE JOY AND LOVE WITH YOUR FAMILY AND FRIENDS, BG

          Copywrite 2009 - BG

     Visit the new and improved

 Barry G. webstie:  asmalldoseofreality.com

The United States Senate today unveiled details of its health care plan, tentatively called CompromiseCare^TM:

• Under CompromiseCare^TM, people with no coverage will be allowed to keep their current plan.

• Medicare will be extended to 55-year-olds as soon as they turn 65.

• You will have access to cheap Canadian drugs if you live in Canada.

• States whose names contain vowels will be allowed to opt out of the plan.

• You get to choose which doctor you cannot afford to see.

• You will not have to be pre-certified to qualify for cremation.

• A patient will be considered "pre-existing" if he or she already exists.

• You'll be free to choose between medications and heating fuel.

• Patients can access quality health care if they can prove their name is "Reid" or "Pelosi".

• You will have access to natural remedies, such as death.  

The Birds win should cement the division title and possibly result in the Romo the homo led Cowboys missing the playoffs yet again.  Some great individual performances:

Donovan McNabb - A very good performance from McNabb. He completed 17 of 26 passes for 275 yards, two touchdowns and an interception. McNabb showed good patience and trust in his offensive line on the big plays down the field. He hit Brent Celek for a 23-yard play and connected on the two huge plays to DeSean Jackson: a 44 yarder and the 60-yard touchdown. Great read and throw, finding Reggie Brown over the middle for 19 yards on the fourth-quarter drive. He also did a good job of buying time and finding receivers down the field throughout. overthrew him a little.

Michael Vick - He looked as comfortable as he has all season on the 32-yard throw to Jackson, which set up first touchdown. Nice play-fake and perfect throw. Vick looked a little hesitant on the 3rd-and-3 carry in the second, but eventually he got far enough outside to pick up the first down. He also showed good patience on the fourth-quarter drive, picking up 5 yards to set up the Leonard Weaver TD.

Leonard Weaver - Tremendous performance from Weaver in all aspects. He really put his stamp on the game with five touches on that 12-play drive in the fourth quarter. He was excellent as usual as a chipper/blocker. Weaver made a nice block on the Vick touchdown at the end of the first half. Nine carries for 33 yards and four catches for 26 overall.

Todd Herremans - He really played well and was probably the Eagles' most impressive run blocker. Herremans had several good blocks on Weaver runs. He got just enough of a linebacker on the first-quarter touchdown to Celek. And he pushed a DB out of the play on Vick's TD run at the end of the first half.


Brent Celek - Five catches for 64 yards and a touchdown. He has a toughness play almost every week. Sunday, it was the TD where he met a linebacker and a DB at the 3 yard line and ran them over to get to the end zone. Celek had the big 23-yard catch to set up the TD at the end of the first half. He did a better job than last week as a blocker.

Last but NOT least:

DeSean Jackson -  Just a ridiculous performance. Jackson had a hand in pretty much every score. The 60-yard touchdown was huge. Overall, six catches for 178 yards and a TD. Oh yeah, there was that punt return too.

In one of the largest mass demonstrations in recent history, over one million women claiming to have had sexual liaisons with Tiger Woods marched on Washington today.  Determined to show that they are a political force to be reckoned with, the coalition of nightclub hostesses, cocktail waitresses and lingerie models stopped traffic for hours as they marched to the Capitol.

Shandy Shanoyne, a 22-year-old thong publicist who had an on-again, off-again relationship with Mr. Woods, said that she organized the march to demand benefits, such as health care and workmen's compensation, for the golfer's many girlfriends.  "We are sick and tired of being told to take our names off our voicemail greetings," she said.  "We have demands and they must be met.  Quickly.  Huge."

According to Ms. Shanoyne, the million or so mistresses of Mr. Woods who showed up at the march are just the tip of the iceberg: "A new girlfriend of Tiger's holds a press conference every eleven seconds."

I haven't heard Obama complain about his chance to check out that chick up close and personal.

During a recent password audit, it was found that a blonde was using the following password:

MickeyMinniePlutoHueyLouieDeweyDonaldGoofy

When asked why such a big password, she said that it had to be at least 8 characters long.

My flight was being served by an obviously gay flight attendant, who seemed to put everyone in a good mood as he served us food and drinks.  As the plane prepared to descend, he came swishing down the aisle and told us that 'Captain Marvey has asked me to announce that he'll be landing the big scary plane shortly, so lovely people, if you could just put your trays up, that would be super.' On his trip back up the aisle, he noticed this well-dressed and rather Arabic looking woman hadn't moved a muscle. 'Perhaps you didn't hear me over those big brute engines but I asked you to raise your trazy-poo, so the main man can` pitty-pat us on the ground.'  She calmly turned her head and said, 'In my country, I am called a Princess and I take orders from no one.'

To which (I swear) the flight attendant replied, without missing a beat, 'Well, sweet-cheeks, in my country I'm called a Queen, so I outrank you. Tray-up, Bitch'

          Copywrite 2009 - BG

     Visit the new and improved

 Barry G. webstie:  asmalldoseofreality.com

The Lone Ranger and Tonto went camping in the desert. After they got their tent all set up, both men fell sound asleep.  Some hours later, Tonto wakes the Lone Ranger and says, "Kemo Sabe,look towards sky, what you see?"  The Lone Ranger replies, "I see millions of stars."

"What that tell you?" asked Tonto.  The Lone Ranger ponders for a minute then says, "Astronomically speaking,it tells me there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, it tells me that Saturn is in Leo. Time wise,it appears to be approximately a quarter past three in the morning. Theologically, the Lord is all-powerful and we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, it seems we will have a beautiful day tomorrow.

What's it tell you Tonto?"  "You dumber than buffalo shit. It means someone stole tent."

          Copywrite 2009 - BG

     Visit the new and improved

 Barry G. webstie:  asmalldoseofreality.com

One would think that the Yankees should be favored with the steady Andy Petitte on the mound as opposed to the Phillies enigmatic Cole Hamels.  However, games are won and lost on the field.  Go Phillies!!!!

           Copywrite 2009 - BG

     Visit the new and improved

 Barry G. webstie:  asmalldoseofreality.com