keeping it semi real, promoting conservatives, taking potshots at fools, democrats other than Obama, liberals, the left, know it alls, the dnc, etc., reviews of models, pundits and blogs
"I'd rather entrust the government of the United States to the first 400 people in the Boston
telephone directory than to the faculty of Harvard University." - William F. Buckley, Jr.
My flight was being served by an obviously gay flight attendant, who seemed to put everyone in a good mood as he served us food and drinks. As the plane prepared to descend, he came swishing down the aisle and told us that 'Captain Marvey has asked me to announce that he'll be landing the big scary plane shortly, so lovely people, if you could just put your trays up, that would be super.' On his trip back up the aisle, he noticed this well-dressed and rather Arabic looking woman hadn't moved a muscle. 'Perhaps you didn't hear me over those big brute engines but I asked you to raise your trazy-poo, so the main man can` pitty-pat us on the ground.' She calmly turned her head and said, 'In my country, I am called a Princess and I take orders from no one.'
To which (I swear) the flight attendant replied, without missing a beat, 'Well, sweet-cheeks, in my country I'm called a Queen, so I outrank you. Tray-up, Bitch'
The Lone Ranger and Tonto went camping in the desert. After they got their tent all set up, both men fell sound asleep. Some hours later, Tonto wakes the Lone Ranger and says, "Kemo Sabe,look towards sky, what you see?" The Lone Ranger replies, "I see millions of stars."
"What that tell you?" asked Tonto. The Lone Ranger ponders for a minute then says, "Astronomically speaking,it tells me there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, it tells me that Saturn is in Leo. Time wise,it appears to be approximately a quarter past three in the morning. Theologically, the Lord is all-powerful and we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, it seems we will have a beautiful day tomorrow.
What's it tell you Tonto?" "You dumber than buffalo shit. It means someone stole tent."
One would think that the Yankees should be favored with the steady Andy Petitte on the mound as opposed to the Phillies enigmatic Cole Hamels. However, games are won and lost on the field. Go Phillies!!!!
This didn't have to happen for the Phillies, this return to the World Series, and all those people telling you to savor these moments because they are rare and fleeting are correct.
The players know it, too. They know how capricious the game can be, an injury that happens here, a trade that works out there, and no one can predict which teams will be tapped on the head by the magic wand in a given year. Teams that get this far have to be good, and the Phillies are certainly that, but they have to be lucky as well. That's why there are always sighs of relief mixed in with the whooping celebrations of the clubhouses. The game didn't decide to hate them this time around.
DAVID SWANSON / Staff Photographer
The celebration is in full swing at Citizens Bank Park after the Phillies eliminated the Dodgers in Game 5 of the NLCS on Wednesday night.
Reminding Philadelphia fans that the baseball gods are not always kind seems unnecessary, as if two wonderful years of enjoying Charlie Manuel guide his silver ship can blot out the long seasons of watching Nick Leyva or Terry Francona crash their rudderless vessels into the rocks.
No, this is special and rare, and for further reference as the World Series approaches, it's worth wondering whatever happened to the Tampa Bay Rays, last year's opponent. The Rays, having shed the Devil from their nickname along with the demons of a losing tradition, came into the World Series billed as a young team on the rise. Maybe a little premature in their arrival at a stage that large, but definitely not out of place in those surroundings. The Rays had made it, and they weren't going anywhere soon.
Except that's not exactly the way it worked out.
This could have been the Phillies' fate when they were also a young team on the rise in 2005 or 2006, trying to find a way to build around a homegrown corps of talent. General manager Pat Gillick fussed and fiddled with the roster a lot before the tumblers of the lock fell into place. If figuring that Adam Eaton and Freddy Garcia might be the answer isn't the definition of trial and error, then perhaps it is Wes Helms and Rod Barajas.
In any case, it worked out for the Phillies and has continued to work, even as they have struggled to keep the starting rotation together with one breath only to find the bullpen falling apart with the next. The offense has been a constant, but that is because they were sharp enough to replace Pat Burrell with Raul Ibanez, and lucky enough to have Jayson Werth spectacularly complete a comeback from an injury that nearly ended his career.
With the Rays, things weren't quite as fortunate this season. Tampa Bay set team records this season in runs, home runs, extra-base hits, walks, stolen bases, and on-base percentage, and as soon as the season was over the Rays fired their hitting coach. Now, that's interesting.
One season after winning 97 games, the Rays dipped to 84-78. They came out of the box with a 9-14 April, revived through the middle of the season, but then fell apart in September after management traded away pitcher Scott Kazmir and after slugger Carlos Pena was lost to injury. In one stretch, the Rays lost 17 of 21 games, finally finishing 19 games behind the Yankees in the AL East and 11 games behind the wild-card Red Sox.
The difference between the Rays and the Phillies might be partly the difference between the AL East and the NL East, too. Stumble for a little while in Tampa Bay's division and those energy eaters from New York and Boston will leave their huge carbon footprints all over you. The Phils are in a more forgiving position, but they have to be credited for taking advantage of it, and their 93 regular-season wins are still the fourth-highest in franchise history since the turn of the century.
For the second straight season, the Phillies won't end the year making excuses, regardless of the Series outcome. You can't say the same for the Dodgers, who had the best record in the National League this season, glided past the Cardinals in the first round, but barely made a dent on the championship series.
Just as they did in 2008, the Dodgers took the five-game dismissal with a cool aplomb, which partly explains why they keep getting dismissed. Back home, where the fans are already more interested in how Kobe will blend with Andrew Bynum, there's no retribution from the town that put the LA in la-di-dah.
What would fans in Philadelphia call a good team that kept getting close but never reached the final goal? Oh, that's right. The Eagles.
There's the best reminder that these runs at the championship don't have to happen. Take a glance across the street from Citizens Bank Park at Lincoln Financial Field. If that doesn't make you savor the moment, nothing will.
SHALL WE HIRE A MONUMENT ENGRAVER TO GO TOARLINGTON NATIONALCEMETERYAND ADD THE MISSING WORDS?
THIS IS A MESSAGE FROM AN APPALLED OBSERVER:
Today I went to visit the new World War II Memorial inWashington , DC. I got an unexpected history lesson. Because I'm a baby boomer, I was one of the youngest in the crowd. Most were the age of my parents, Veterans of 'the greatest war,' with their families. It was a beautiful day, and people were smiling and happy to be there. Hundreds of us milled around the memorial, reading the inspiring words of Eisenhower and Truman that are engraved there.
On the Pacific side of the memorial, a group of us gathered to read the words President Roosevelt used to announce the attack on Pearl Harbor: Yesterday, December 7, 1941-- a date which will live in infamy--theUnited States of Americawas suddenly and deliberately attacked. One elderly woman read the words aloud: 'With confidence in our armed forces, with the abounding determination of our people, we will gain the inevitable triumph.'
But as she read, she suddenly turned angry. 'Wait a minute,' she said, 'they left out the end of the quote. They left out the most important part.Rooseveltended the message with'so help us God.'
Her husband said, 'You are probably right. We're not supposed to say things like that now.'
'I know I'm right,' she insisted. 'I remember the speech.' The two looked dismayed, shook their heads sadly and walked away.
Listening to their conversation, I thought to myself, 'Well, it has been over 50 years; she's probably forgotten.'
But she had not forgotten.She was right.
I went home and pulled out the book my book club is reading --- 'Flags of Our Fathers' by James Bradley. It's all about the battle atIwo Jima. I haven't gotten too far in the book. It's tough to read because it's a graphic description of the WWII battles in the Pacific.
But right there it was on page 58.Roosevelt's speech to the nation ends in 'so help us God.'
The people who edited out that part of the speech when they engraved it on the memorial could have fooled me. I was born after the war! But they couldn't fool the people who were there. Roosevelt's words are engraved on their hearts.
Now I ask:'WHO GAVE THEM TH E RIGHT TO CHANGE THE WORDS OF HISTORY?????????'
Since it appears to be "blonde night": Did you hear about the two blondes who froze to death in a drive-in movie? They had gone to see 'Closed for the Winter.'
As the world responded with a mixture of surprise and amazement to the announcement of President Obama's Nobel Peace Prize, Nobel insiders revealed that the President's "beer summit" at the White House put him over the top. "The committee was definitely split down the middle right up until the end," said Agot Valle, a Norwegian politician and member of the five-person Nobel committee. "Some of them were still quite upset about that nasty business with the Somali pirates."
But, according to Ms. Valle, "someone brought up the beer summit, and we all agreed that that was awesome." Ms. Valle said she hoped that Mr. Obama's victory would be seen not only as a victory for him, but "as a tribute to the healing power of beer."
Ms. Valle acknowledged that the President's win was widely considered an upset, with most pundits having expected the prize to go to Mad Men or 30 Rock.
RECORD IS JUST RIGHT: The most complete team in the league has shown it, winning two tough division games before stifling the Bucs without Kenny Phillips (IR), Justin Tuck and Chris Canty. Through three games, the big offseason WR question has been answered by Steve Smith (23 catches, 2nd in NFL) and Mario Manningham (17 catches, T-12th in NFL). THIS WEEK: at Chiefs (0-3)
RECORD IS JUST RIGHT: Make room on the bandwagon, because I'm jumping aboard. Roughing up the Lions in Week 1 was no biggie, but blasting two tough teams on the road like Philly and Buffalo to the tune of 75-29 was impressive.
RECORD IS JUST RIGHT: Make room on the bandwagon, because I'm jumping aboard. Roughing up the Lions in Week 1 was no biggie, but blasting two tough teams on the road like Philly and Buffalo to the tune of 75-29 was impressive. Especially impressive is how they won against the Bills, more with running and defense instead of an aerial assault. THIS WEEK: vs. Jets (3-0)
RECORD IS JUST RIGHT: Watch out for Peyton Manning this season. He only needed 15 minutes with the ball to beat the defending AFC East champion Dolphins in Week 2 before carving up the reigning NFC champion Cardinals in Week 3.
RECORD IS JUST RIGHT: Watch out for Peyton Manning this season. He only needed 15 minutes with the ball to beat the defending AFC East champion Dolphins in Week 2 before carving up the reigning NFC champion Cardinals in Week 3. Granted, he may need to keep firing four TDs each game with Dwight Freeney hurt, but Manning is coming off an MVP season when he carried his team and seems poised to do it again. THIS WEEK: vs. Seahawks (1-2)
BETTER THAN RECORD: The Eagles have a look of a team that could rest up and get healthy during the bye week, then start putting all of their juicy pieces together and reel off a string of wins in a hurry.
BETTER THAN RECORD: The Eagles have a look of a team that could rest up and get healthy during the bye week, then start putting all of their juicy pieces together and reel off a string of wins in a hurry. Coming off last week's win over K.C. and this week's bye, Philly faces Tampa, Oakland and Washington (combined 2-7) before hitting the meat of their schedule — giving Andy Reid some games to start tinkering with new toy Mike Vick. THIS WEEK: Bye
WORSE THAN RECORD: Are the Jets a big tease, overrated and destined for a major fade? No. They will challenge for a playoff spot and the AFC East title. But Mark Sanchez will have a few rookie moments before he's through this season and the Jets still haven't faced any major road test ...
WORSE THAN RECORD: Are the Jets a big tease, overrated and destined for a major fade? No. They will challenge for a playoff spot and the AFC East title. But Mark Sanchez will have a few rookie moments before he's through this season and the Jets still haven't faced any major road test ... until Week 4, that is. Tune in next week. THIS WEEK: at Saints (3-0)
RECORD IS JUST RIGHT: It turns out there was no reason to freak out after all over the Pats' sluggish first couple games. Instead, Bill Belichick had to realize that the 2009 Patriots were not the "bombs away" 2007 version, at least not yet as Tom Brady shakes his cobwebs from missing most of 2008.
RECORD IS JUST RIGHT: It turns out there was no reason to freak out after all over the Pats' sluggish first couple games. Instead, Bill Belichick had to realize that the 2009 Patriots were not the "bombs away" 2007 version, at least not yet as Tom Brady shakes his cobwebs from missing most of 2008. After 100 passes in Brady's first two games back, Emperor Bill dialed up the running game perfectly last week vs. Atlanta. THIS WEEK: vs. Ravens (3-0)
RECORD IS JUST RIGHT: The Ravens were one of my favorite teams heading into this season. So why were they ranked 10th in last week's rankings with Joe Flacco's AFC-best scoring offense so improved? This defense giving up 50 points in the first two games without Rex Ryan calling plays was unnerving, so it was nice to see the normal Ravens defense back last week.
RECORD IS JUST RIGHT: The Ravens were one of my favorite teams heading into this season. So why were they ranked 10th in last week's rankings with Joe Flacco's AFC-best scoring offense so improved? This defense giving up 50 points in the first two games without Rex Ryan calling plays was unnerving, so it was nice to see the normal Ravens defense back last week. Of course, it was against the Browns, too. Baltimore's next three games will be the true test (at NE, vs. CIN, at MIN). THIS WEEK: at Patriots (2-1)
Hell, back in 1990, the Government seized the Mustang Ranch brothel inNevadafor tax evasion and, as required by law, tried to run it. They failed and it closed. Now, we are trusting the economy of our country, our banking system, our auto industry and possibly our health plans to the same nit-wits who couldn't make money running a whore house and selling whiskey?!
First Guy: 'You have no idea what I had to do to be able to come out golfing this weekend.. I had to promise my wife that I will paint every room in the house next weekend.'
Second Guy: 'That's nothing; I had to promise my wife that I will build her a new deck for the pool.'
Third Guy: 'Man, you both have it easy! I had to promise my wife that I will remodel the kitchen for her.'
They continue to play the hole when they realized that the fourth guy has not said a word.
So they ask him, 'You haven't said anything about what you had to do to be able to come golfing this weekend. What's the deal?'
Fourth guy: 'I just set my alarm for 5:30am. When it went off, I gave the wife a slap on the ass and said: 'Golf course or intercourse?' She said: 'Wear sun-block".
About: "Hubert Humphrey talks so fast that listening to him is like trying to read Playboy magazine with your wife turning the pages."
"I think any man in business would be foolish to fool around with his secretary. If it's somebody else's secretary, fine."
"The only summit meeting that can succeed is the one that does not take place."
"When I'm not a politician, I'll be dead."
"I think every good Christian ought to kick Falwell right in the ass."
"I wouldn't trust Nixon from here to that phone."
Interests: Cattle rustling, Republican Conservative politics, wet t shirt contests, dancing bears, reading The National Review, UFO's and alligator wrestling.
