The Mary Carey Platform:
The most important issue facing California right now is our $38 billion deficit and 6.7% unemployment rate. California needs a governor who will get our finances in order! As a "political outsider," I have fresh, original ideas for helping the state generate revenue and reduce its deficit. Here are just some of them:
1. Legalize gay marriage in California. This will generate a tremendous amount of revenue for the state as a honeymoon destination.
2. Tax breast implants. From Beverly Hills alone, we should bring in millions in tax revenue. (Note: I am all-natural and I personally discourage the use of implants!)
3. Make lap dances a tax deductible business expense. This will help grease the wheels of business in California and stimulate our economy.
4. If I’m elected Governor, I will wire the Governor’s Mansion with live web cams in every room. We will create a pay site, and all money collected will go toward reducing the deficit. Californians will get to see their government in action - literally! (Also, we will have people from around the globe helping to pay off our debt, so it doesn’t all fall on the shoulders of Californians.)
5. I will create a "Porn for Pistols" program to take handguns off the streets. Dealing with the violence and injuries associated with handguns is a huge drain on our state's resources.
6. As Governor, I will recruit fellow performers from the adult video industry as ambassadors of good will. These ambassadors will be a great help to California when it comes to such things as negotiating rates for buying electricity from neighboring states.
7. I will coordinate the state’s unemployment and jury systems, so that anyone who applies for unemployment will instantly be called for jury duty. This will save California state and local governments millions of dollars, because we won’t have to pay for jury duty. It will also relieve those with jobs from the stress of serving on lengthy juries.
8. I will fight the federal government's attempts to harass the adult video industry. Adult video is an $11 billion industry that creates more than $23 million in taxes each year for the state of California. We can't afford to lose this tax base!
9. If elected, I will support legislation to allow bars throughout the state of California to remain open until 4am. It will generate extra revenue, give additional hours of employment to the working class, and have a positive chain reaction throughout our economy.
10. I will address the HIV/AIDS epidemic that is costing our state millions of dollars and an incalculable toll in human lives.