a small dose of reality

In the first two weeks since the election, President-elect Barack Obama has broken with a tradition established over the past eight years through his controversial use of complete sentences, political observers say.

Millions of Americans who watched Mr. Obama's appearance on CBS' "Sixty Minutes" on Sunday witnessed the president-elect's unorthodox verbal tick, which had Mr. Obama employing grammatically correct sentences virtually every time he opened his mouth.

But Mr. Obama's decision to use complete sentences in his public pronouncements carries with it certain risks, since after the last eight years many Americans may find his odd speaking style jarring.

According to presidential historian Davis Logsdon of the University of Minnesota, some Americans might find it "alienating" to have a President who speaks English as if it were his first language.

"Every time Obama opens his mouth, his subjects and verbs are in agreement," says Mr. Logsdon.  "If he keeps it up, he is running the risk of sounding like an elitist."

The historian said that if Mr. Obama insists on using complete sentences in his speeches, the public may find itself saying, "Okay, subject, predicate, subject predicate - we get it, stop showing off."

The President-elect's stubborn insistence on using complete sentences has already attracted a rebuke from one of his harshest critics, Gov. Sarah Palin of Alaska.

"Talking with complete sentences there and also too talking in a way that ordinary Americans like Joe the Plumber and Tito the Builder can't really do there, I think needing to do that isn't tapping into what Americans are needing also," she said.

In order to celebrate Thanksgiving, Alaska Governor Sarah Palin today issued what she called "my list of thankfulnesses":

The first thankfulness being that I'm thankful for this turkey, and also too for the metal funnel thingy that cut the turkey's head clean off while it was flapping its wings trying to get out and all.  That was fun.

The next thankfulness being that I'm thankful that Levi is going to marry our Bristol, and I'm hoping also that we'll know soon what his location is.

Another thankfulness too being that I'm thankful for Sen. Ted Stevens, because compared to what he did and all it doesn't seem like a big deal if you tried to get some dumb old trooper fired.

My next thankfulness being I have thankfulness for our President-elect Barack Obama, and proudness, too, even though he probably is spending Thanksgiving palling around with Bill Ayres and Osama bin Laden and the Unabomber also.

A darned important thankfulness being I'm sure thankful that when the lawyers from the RNC came to take back all of that clothing they didn't check under Piper's bed.  Good job, Piper!

And my last thankfulness, which I saved for last because it is the most important thankfulness, would be the turkey again also.  I'm thankful that God created turkeys with so many tiny little bones in them and also too I hope Katie Couric chokes on one.

Continuing in his quest to assemble a so-called "team of rivals," President-elect Barack Obama today announced that he would name Angelina Jolie and Jennifer Aniston to key Cabinet positions.

The two actresses, who have been perennial tabloid fodder as a result of their longstanding feud over actor Brad Pitt, were surprise choices for Mr. Obama's Cabinet, since neither of them has been a government official or even portrayed one in a movie.

But in his weekly Internet address, the President-elect explained his rationale for choosing the sworn enemies to his Cabinet: "I chose Jennifer and Angelina for the same reason I have chosen every other Cabinet member: they clearly despise each other with a passion."

Cat fight between these two anyone?

While Mr. Obama was vague about which Cabinet positions the two actresses would ultimately hold, insiders said that Ms. Jolie was a shoo-in for Secretary of Labor.

Doris Kearns Goodwin, historian and author of the book Team of Rivals, said that she was "thrilled" by the selection of the two actresses to Mr. Obama's Cabinet.

"Every time someone says ‘team of rivals,' I sell another book on Amazon," she said.  "Team of rivals, team of rivals, team of rivals."

Copywrite 2008 - BG

Check out the official Barry G. website

Confounding the conventional wisdom that he is a lame duck president with no agenda as his days in office dwindle, President George W. Bush is redoubling his efforts to mutilate the country before his term expires, aides confirmed today.

"President Bush has spent the first seven years and ten months of his presidency doing everything in his power to leave the United States in smoldering ruins," said White House spokesperson Dana Perino.  "He certainly is not going to let the final days of his tenure go to waste."

While Ms. Perino said that President Bush is proud to have led the U.S. into a "pointless and totally avoidable catastrophe in Iraq" and "the most terrifying financial cataclysm since the Great Depression," he is "in no way prepared to rest on his laurels."

Mr. Bush is "delighted," Ms. Perino said, that the stock market has lost one trillion dollars of its value in the last three days, but "that's just the tip of the iceberg in terms of the damage he hopes to wreak in his remaining time in office."

Among the targets for destruction that the President is currently eyeing, Ms. Perino indicated that the demise of the Big Three automakers was at the top of his list.

"If the President could preside over the disappearance of the Big Three and the millions of jobs they represent, that would be the ultimate feather in his cap," she said.

For his part, Mr. Bush took few questions from reporters today, saying that he had to return to the Oval Office to order random airstrikes over Belgium.

More material for you EB:

 1. Be courteous to everyone, friendly to no one.
2. Decide to be aggressive enough, quickly enough.
3. Have a plan.
4. Have a back-up plan, because the first one probably won't work.
5. Be polite, be professional, but have a plan to kill everyone you meet.
6. Do not attend a gunfight with a handgun whose caliber does not start
with a "4."
7. Anything worth shooting is worth shooting twice. Ammo is cheap. Life is
expensive.
8. Move away from your attacker. Distance is your friend. (Lateral &
diagonal preferred.)
9. Use cover or concealment as much as possible.
10. Flank your adversary when possible. Protect yours.
11. Always cheat; always win. The only unfair fight is the one you lose.
12. In ten years nobody will remember the details of caliber, stance, or
tactics. They will only remember who lived.
13. If you are not shooting, you should be communicating your intention to
shoot.

Navy SEALS Rules:

1. Look very cool in sunglasses.
2. Kill every living thing within view.
3. Adjust speedo.
4. Check hair in mirror.

US Army Rangers Rules:

1. Walk in 50 miles wearing 75 pound rucksack while starving.
2. Locate individuals requiring killing.
3. Request permission via radio from "Higher" to perform killing.
4. Curse bitterly when mission is aborted.
5. Walk out 50 miles wearing a 75 pound rucksack while starving.

US Army Rules:

1. Select a new beret to wear.
2. Sew patches on right shoulder.
3. Change the color of beret you decide to wear.

US Air Force Rules:

1. Have a cocktail.
2. Adjust temperature on air-conditioner.
3. See what's on HBO.
4. Ask "what is a gunfight?"
5. Request more funding from Congress with a "killer" PowerPoint
presentation.
6. Wine & dine 'key' Congressmen, invite DOD & defense industry executives.
7. Receive funding, set up new command and assemble assets.
8. Declare the assets "strategic" and never deploy them operationally.
9. Hurry to make 1345 tee-time.

US Navy Rules:

1. Go to Sea.
2. Drink Coffee.
3. Watch porn.
4. Deploy the Marines.

Copywrite 2008 - BG

Check out the official Barry G. website

This stuff might fit in with your blog theme EB.  Pleasant sailing.  Ahoy!!!!

BG

Sarah Palin of Alaska has reached out to President-elect Obama's transition team to indicate her interest in being named "ambassador to the nation of Africa," the governor confirmed today.

Gov. Palin said that although she had planned to continue in her position in Anchorage, she was willing to leave the governorship "because Africa is just such a darned important country."

"I have always been very, very interested in the nation of Africa, partly because of it being located where it is," she said. "If you are standing in Africa and you look real close, you can see South Africa."

She added that she had received phone calls encouraging her to vie for the post, including one from French president Nicholas Sarkozy.

In other news from the Palin family, Bristol Palin's fiancé Levi Johnston said he was "totally stoked" about Tuesday night's election returns, calling the results "definitely a game-changer for me."

"The election of Barack Obama means different things to different people," he said. "To me, it means freedom, dude!"

Copywrite 2008 - BG

Check out the official Barry G. website

                Just minutes after “Morning Joe” host Joe Scarborough dropped an F-bomb live on the air, MSNBC announced that it was re-launching        the show to capitalize on its star’s salty vocabulary.

“Starting on Tuesday, MSNBC’s morning show will be known as ‘Fucking Joe,’” said MSNBC spokesperson Carol Foyler.  “We want to send the message that if you tune in to this show, you’ll get a unique mix of breaking news and XXX-rated chat.”

MSNBC’s decision to reformat the show to accommodate Mr. Scarborough’s weakness for expletives surprised many in the cable industry, especially since the show owes its origins to the cancellation of shock-jock Don Imus’ ill-fated morning program.

But for Mr. Scarborough’s part, the move to “porn up” his morning show came as no surprise.

“This move is a fucking home run and anyone who doesn’t think so is a fucking cocksucker,” Mr. Scarborough said, adding, “Fuck.”

Around the cable industry, insiders expressed surprise that Mr. Scarborough had slipped into profanity while on the air.

“I never thought Joe Scarborough would be the first one to drop an F-bomb on that show,” one observer said.  “I thought it would be Andrea Mitchell.”

Copywrite 2008 - BG

Check out the official Barry G. website

Just minutes after their party's longstanding losing tradition lay in tatters on the ground, millions of shell-shocked Democrats stared at their television screens in disbelief, asking themselves what went right.

For Democrats, who have become accustomed to their party blowing an election even when it seemed like a sure thing, Tuesday night's results were a bitter pill to swallow.

The head-shaking and finger-pointing over the demise of the Democrats' losing streak, which many of the party faithful had worn like a badge of honor, reached all the way to the upper echelons of the Democratic National Committee.

"Believe me, I'm as shocked by these results as anybody," said DNC chief Howard Dean, who indicated he has received hundreds of calls from incredulous party members.  "We did everything in our power to screw this thing up."

Dean pointed to several key elements the Democrats put in place to ensure defeat, ranging from "a rancorous primary campaign" to "the appointment of me."

"Somehow, despite our best efforts to snatch defeat from the jaws of victory, we won," he said.  "I came in here with a mandate to blow this thing and I didn't get it done."

Carol Foyler, a lifelong Democrat who owns a loom supply store in Portland, Maine, said she has been "nearly catatonic" since the election results were announced.

"For the past eight years, I've fixed myself some herbal tea, turned on NPR, and ranted about the Republicans," she said.  "All that has been taken from me."

Elsewhere, Sen. John McCain offered this comment on Sen. Barack Obama's victory: "My friends, I've got him just where I want him."