a small dose of reality

Just days after the news broke that former Tennessee GOP leader Chip Saltsman had released a song parody entitled "Barack the Magic Negro," the Republican National Committee issued what it called "an official apology to America's negroes."

In the statement, the RNC ripped Saltsman's song, calling it "tone-deaf, unacceptable, and offensive to every negro in the country."

"We do not want one ill-considered song parody to create the wrong impression," the RNC statement read.  "The Republican Party has always been, and will always be, the friend of the negro."

But while the RNC's official statement was designed to quell the outrage surrounding Mr. Saltsman's song, it may have created a controversy of its own.

Just hours after releasing the official apology, the RNC issued a second apology apologizing for the first apology.

"It has come to our attention that we misused a word in our first apology," the RNC statement read.  "We should have capitalized ‘Negro.'"

The Cowboys suffered another of their many humiliations.  The losers Romo the homo, TO/BO and Pacman did it yet again.  HAHAHAHAHAHA

Eagles win Eagles win Eagles win Eagles win Eagles win Eagles win Eagles win Eagles win Eagles win Eagles win Eagles win Eagles win Eagles win Eagles win Eagles win Eagles win

Fly Eagles Fly On The Road To Victory

E A G L E S

Copywrite 2008 - BG

Check out the official Barry G. website

The recession in the U.S. has just racked up another casualty, the tradition of giving decent gifts for the holidays, with many Americans reporting that they have received the shittiest Christmas gifts in recent memory.

With fewer holiday dollars in their wallets, cash-strapped consumers are resorting to giving such unwanted holiday gifts as shoddy homemade crafts and crumbling baked goods.

And as the wave of crappy giving spreads across the country, it is creating a reaction of outrage and anger from those it was intended to please: the recipients.

"I opened a present this morning, thinking maybe it was a laptop or something, and it turned out to be a framed Wal-Mart photo of my nephews," said Harland Dorinson of Topeka.  "Talk about a way to wreck the holidays."

Mr. Dorinson said he wished that the crappy photo were an isolated example, but it wasn't: "Whether it's homemade scrapbooks, stupid-looking wreaths with pinecones glued to them or stale little gingerbread men, every present I've gotten this year sets a new record for shittiness."

Davis Logsdon, who tracks the decline in the quality of holiday gifts at the University of Minnesota, says there is a lesson to be learned from Christmas 2008's meager gift offerings. 

"It's true that it's the thought that counts," Dr. Logsdon said.  "But if all you're going to give is some stupid hand-knit scarf, like the one my sister-in-law just gave me, that's a pretty shitty thought."

MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL AND THANK YOU FOR ALL THE LAUGHS, INFORMATION AND KINDRED SPIRITSHIP,

YOUR FRIEND, BARRY G.

Copywrite 2008 - BG

Check out the official Barry G. website

Global markets swooned today in reaction to photos showing that President-elect Barack Obama had lost his shirt.

The pictures depicting a shirtless Mr. Obama wandering about on a deserted stretch of beach stoked fears that the U.S.'s financial woes were deeper than previously reported.

"We have had a steady drumbeat of bad news about the U.S. economy for weeks now," said Tracy Klugian, global asset analyst for HSBC.  "Learning that the President-elect no long has a shirt to his name was the last thing these markets needed."

In an attempt to calm investors. Obama press secretary Robert Gibbs said that the President-elect still owned a shirt and denied rumors that Mr.Obama had invested funds with Bernie Madoff.

Say, how about a Philadelphia Baltimore Superbowl?  Sounds terrific to me.  The Ravens did their part.  Hopefully the Eagles will do their part today.  Should I wear the Westbrook (white), McNabb (black) or Buckhalter (Eagles green) jersey for the game?

Copywrite 2008 - BG

Check out the official Barry G. website

The election day is over,
The talking is done.
My party lost,
Your party won.
So let us be friends,
Let arguments pass.
I'll hug my elephant,
You kiss your ass.

In their latest bid to beef up their pitching rotation for the 2009 season, the New York Yankees today signed Iraqi journalist Muntadar al-Zeidi to a three-year deal worth $32 million.

The right-handed al-Zeidi, 28, impressed the Yankee scouts with his performance in Baghdad yesterday when he threw both of his shoes at President George W. Bush.

While neither of the shoes hit their target, both throws "had great velocity and good movement," said Yankee owner Hank Steinbrenner.

"The first shoe was high and outside but the second one was right down the middle," Mr. Steinbrenner said.

The Yankee boss said that he was also impressed with Mr. al-Zeidi's fighting spirit when Secret Service agents tackled him.

"That could come in handy when we have a series with Boston," he said.

Copywrite 2008 - BG

Check out the official Barry G. website

The proposal by the CEOs of the Big Three automakers to work for $1 a year has gone over like a lead balloon with taxpayers, a new survey shows, with a clear majority believing that the car bosses do not deserve such a bloated salary.

The University of Minnesota/Opinion Research Institute poll released today shows that 87% of those surveyed "strongly agree" with the statement, "If the CEOs of General Motors, Ford and Chrysler earned $1 a year they would be egregiously overpaid."

But according to the University of Minnesota's Davis Logsdon, the poll numbers do contain some good news for the embattled CEOS: "While taxpayers do not want to pay each of them $1 a year, there is a consensus that the three gentlemen deserve to share a single $1 salary between them."

When asked how the three auto execs should divvy up their $1 payday, the poll yielded interesting results: "People believe that the Ford guy and the Chrysler guy should each get 45 cents and the GM should only get 10 cents, because the whole Hummer thing was just retarded."

In a move that some industry insiders called a game-changer, NBC announced today that it would cancel all of its primetime programs and air a static image of its peacock logo every night between 8 and 10.

While some critics of the move questioned whether viewers would tune in to watch a motionless rendering of a bird for two hours every night, NBC boss Jeff Zucker, the architect of the move, defended the strategy, calling it "maybe my most brilliant decision ever."

"People are saying that the peacock logo has been around forever and has nothing new to offer," Mr. Zucker told reporters.  "I say it's a perfect lead-in for Leno."

The move should take some pressure off NBC's embattled entertainment division, whose comedy "Kath & Kim" was recently found to be in violation of the Geneva Conventions.

Mr. Zucker acknowledged that the decision to air a static bird picture for 14 hours a week would require some re-tooling of NBC's "Must See TV" slogan, but said that the marketing department had already come up with a replacement: "When There's Nothing On TV, Watch It On NBC."

Copywrite 2008 - BG

Check out the official Barry G. website

In what is being called one of the most daring escape attempts in the history of law enforcement, Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevich today offered the U.S. Senate seat vacated by President-elect Barack Obama to the FBI agent who took him into Federal custody this morning.

According to U.S. Attorney Patrick Fitzgerald, the astonishing escape attempt occurred moments after Mr. Blagojevich  was handcuffed by the agent, who was wearing a wire and captured the entire expletive-laden offer on tape.

"'You can be the [bleeping] junior Senator from [bleeping] Illinois if you let me out of these [bleeping] handcuffs,'" Mr. Fitzgerald read from a transcript.  "'And if that mother-[bleeper] Barack Obama tries to [bleep] with me, I'll [bleep] him up.'"

According to Mr. Fitzgerald, "When I say ‘bleep,' he didn't really say ‘bleep' on the tape," adding, "I'm going to keep making that joke until one of you [bleepers] laughs at it."

Gov. Blagojevich has been charged with a laundry list of Federal crimes, including stealing his haircut from the dad on "The Brady Bunch."

As President-elect Barack Obama continues to assemble his "team of rivals" by filling Cabinet positions with former political opponents, he has drawn the ire of one self-styled rival who feels he has been unfairly overlooked: Rep. Dennis Kucinich (D-OH).

Speaking to reporters in Washington today, a furious Mr. Kucinich said that it was "unfair and insane" for Mr. Obama to spurn him for a Cabinet post, saying, "I was as rivalish or more so than a lot of the so-called rivals he's chosen."

The Ohio Democrat served up this stern reminder to the rival-fancying President-elect: "In your inexorable rise to become President, let's not forget that the first body you climbed over was that of Dennis J. Kucinich."

With most of the Cabinet posts having already gone to more prominent rivals such as Sen. Hillary Clinton (D-NY) and Gov. Bill Richardson (D-NM), Mr. Kucinich's statements were widely seen as a Hail Mary bid to become Postmaster General.

When asked about a potential role for Mr. Kucinich in his Administration, Mr. Obama said today that the Ohio congressman would not make the cut for his team of rivals, but added that he would be announcing a "JV team of rivals" some time in late February.

Copywrite 2008 - BG

Check out the official Barry G. website

Check out this sad photo from a car show in Germany, where some imbecile has used overweight models with the slogan, “HOT CARS DON’T NEED HOT GIRLS.” You suppose he’s proud of himself?

The really scary thing about it is, the t-shirts and signs at this GERMAN show are in ENGLISH! Did market research find that the most loutish demographic on the face of the Earth is English-speakers who attend German auto shows?

“Woo-hoo! The neanderthals are here, Günther! Bring out those roly-poly gals and the English signs with the one-syllable words!”

In a landmark deal that could provide much-needed cash to America's anemic economy, China agreed today to acquire the naming rights to the U.S. for a reported $1.4 trillion.

The deal, which is expected to be signed by President George W. Bush and Chinese President Hu Jintao sometime before Inauguration Day on January 20, was hailed today by Mr. Bush as a "win-win" for both countries.

"We get 1.4 trillion dollars, and all we have to do is change our name to ‘Panda Garden,'" Mr. Bush told reporters at the White House.

The president said he decided to make the extraordinary deal after being shocked to learn that the U.S. was in a recession, when it was reported yesterday in Duh magazine.

According to President Hu, the Chinese had originally inquired about purchasing the rights to two American sports facilities named after troubled companies, Ford Field in Detroit and Citi Field in New York, but then decided it might be more cost-efficient to buy the rights "to the whole shebang."

In addition to the $1.4 trillion, the Chinese government said that it would provide $10 million to commission a new national anthem that would somehow incorporate the words "Panda Garden" in the lyrics, and to redesign the nation's flag, which will henceforth be known as "the stars, stripes, and adorable bear."

Copywrite 2008 - BG

Check out the official Barry G. website