a small dose of reality

keeping it semi real, promoting conservatives, taking potshots at fools, democrats other than Obama, liberals, the left, know it alls, the dnc, etc., reviews of models, pundits and blogs

I won't insult your intelligence by suggesting that you really believe what you just said. 

William F. Buckley, Jr.


White House Replaces "War on Terror" With Symbol

@ 10:51 PM (72 months, 3 days ago)


The White House today announced today that it would no longer use the phrase "war on terror" and would instead replace it with a cryptic symbol once used by the funk rocker known as Prince.

The new symbol made its first appearance today at a White House press conference in which spokesman Robert Gibbs answered a question about the war on terror by holding up a picture of the newly acquired icon.

Mr. Gibbs said that the White House had decided to replace the phrase with the symbol after determining that its first-choice euphemism, "overseas contingency operations," was too much of a mouthful.

"In the years that Prince used the symbol, it was totally confusing and no one knew what it meant," he said.  "It should work perfectly for us."

To acquire the rights to the symbol, however, the White House had to outbid an unlikely suitor, the insurance giant AIG.

The embattled company, which recently stripped its corporate headquarters of its logo in the hopes of throwing protesters off its scent, had intended to replace it with the mysterious icon coveted by the White House.

It was hoping to rebrand itself as "The Insurance Giant Formerly Known as AIG," a company spokesman said.

AIG Chairman Edward Liddy was philosophical about being outbid by the White House for Prince's symbol: "All of our efforts were a total and abject failure, but on the plus side, that means we're entitled to a bonus."

Copywrite 2009 - BG

Check out the official Barry G. website


Madoff to Help U.S. Sell Bad Assets

@ 10:43 PM (72 months, 6 days ago)


The Obama administration, hoping to find investors to buy $1 trillion worth of so-called "toxic" assets from U.S. financial institutions, has turned to confessed swindler Bernie Madoff to mastermind the sales campaign.

While White House officials acknowledged that joining forces with the jail-bound scam artist was likely to raise some eyebrows, privately they are hoping that when it comes to selling bad assets to investors, the "Madoff magic" will carry the day.

"Desperate times call for desperate measures," White House chief of staff Rahm Emanuel said on CNN last night.  "If anyone can convince investors to buy a worthless piece of paper, it's Bernie Madoff."

Under the unusual arrangement, Mr. Madoff will be temporarily sprung from his prison cell and permitted to have meetings with prospective investors to sell them on American financial institutions' $1 trillion worth of bad assets, accompanied by a phalanx of armed guards.

"The guards wanted to bring dogs along to chase Madoff if he tries to make a run for it, but we felt that would undercut his credibility with investors," Mr. Emanuel said.

The chief of staff added that having Mr. Madoff spearhead the sale of toxic assets would free up Mr. Obama for more pressing matters, "like appearing on Jimmy Kimmel Live."

In other economic news, Treasury Secretary Timothy Geithner said he would raise much-needed capital for the U.S. Treasury by accepting billboard advertising on his forehead.

Copywrite 2009 - BG

Check out the official Barry G. website

Cheney to Pen Bush's Memoir

@ 12:48 AM (72 months, 6 days ago)


One day after publisher Random House signed former President George W. Bush to write a presidential memoir entitled Decision Points, Mr. Bush announced that he had tapped former Vice President Dick Cheney to write the memoir for him.  "This book will detail the twelve greatest decisions I've made in my life," Mr. Bush told reporters in Crawford, Texas today.  "The thirteenth greatest decision was hiring Dick Cheney to write about the other twelve."  By getting the nod, Mr. Cheney will become the first vice-president in history to write a president's memoir for him.

Mr. Bush said he decided to seek a ghostwriter after realizing that he faced several obstacles to writing the book himself, such as learning to spell.  But according to sources close to the former president, Mr. Cheney was his second choice to write the memoir after Mr. Bush was turned down by his first choice, author James Frey.  Mr. Bush, who reportedly "likes the way he makes things up," had asked Mr. Frey to pen the memoir under the title A Million Little Decision Points.

A spokesman for Dick Cheney said that he would finish writing the memoir in 2009 and would finish redacting it in 2010.


Copywrite 2009 - BG

Check out the official Barry G. website



In New Terror Video, AIG Demands Huge Ransom from U.S.

@ 09:59 PM (72 months, 12 days ago)


American intelligence experts are analyzing a new terror video from the American International Group (AIG) in which the leader of the shadowy organization demands billions of dollars from the United States.  In the four-minute tape, which surfaced over the weekend and caused deep concern among U.S. officials, a man believed to be the chairman of AIG says that if his organization is not paid its ransom, "chaos and destruction will rain down on the American economy."  "If we are not paid billions more in bonuses and corporate golf retreats, America will be made to suffer," the man threatens.

Intelligence analysts said that the man, AIG chairman Edward M. Liddy, appears to be speaking at a luxury beach resort that offers few clues as to his exact location, although there is "good intelligence" pointing to the Ritz Carlton in the Cayman Islands.  "We have some reason to believe that he and other AIG executives are there, based on a series of intercepted room service orders from the all-day dining menu," one analyst said.

Reacting to the video, Homeland Security Secretary Janet Napolitano raised the nation's terror alert level to orange, meaning "taxpayers are about to get reamed again."  Treasury Secretary Timothy Geithner also released a response to AIG's latest demands, but intelligence experts said they would need several weeks to decipher Mr. Geithner's response.


Copywrite 2009 - BG

Check out the official Barry G. website



CIA Following Bin Laden on Twitter

@ 10:10 PM (72 months, 16 days ago)


In what some are calling a breakthrough in the hunt for the world's most wanted man, the Central Intelligence Agency revealed today that it is following Osama bin Laden on Twitter.  The decision to track Mr. bin Laden's movements, moods, and musical tastes came late last week after the agency discovered he was using the popular social networking utility.

"We thought we were detecting an increase in chatter from Osama bin Laden," CIA chief Leon Panetta told reporters today.  "What it turned out to be was an increase in tweets."  Mr. Panetta said the agency's success in tracking Mr. bin Laden via Twitter would depend on its ability to decode a series of seemingly indecipherable messages.  "So far he is tweeting in code, using such terms as LOL and OMFG," Mr. Panetta said.  "At this point we have no idea what he is trying to say."

The spy chief said that Mr. bin Laden's Twitter usage seems to peak between the hours of 8 and 9 PM on Mondays: "This may simply be a coincidence, but that's when ‘Gossip Girl' is on."


Copywrite 2009 - BG

Check out the official Barry G. website


NCAA Renames March Madness ‘March Bipolar Disorder’

@ 10:22 PM (72 months, 21 days ago)


The National Collegiate Athletic Association (NCAA) stunned the sports world today by announcing that its annual college basketball tournament, known to its fans as March Madness, will henceforth be known as March Bipolar Disorder.   The name-change, which both surprised and outraged devotees of the annual ritual, came after the National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH) demanded that the NCAA drop the "Madness" tag. 

While fans across the country argued that "March Bipolar Disorder" did not have the same ring to it, a spokesperson for the NIMH said today that the new name was "more clinically accurate."   "Each year, the tournament produces extreme mood swings in both its players and its fans," said spokesperson Carol Foyler. "In our view, those symptoms are consistent with bipolar disorder." 

Even as tournament purists complained that the NCAA had caved in to the medical community, sports marketing expert Colby Teague said that the name-change could open the door to new sponsorship opportunities from the manufacturers of bipolar disorder medications, such as Eli Lilly.   "I could see a scenario where next year it's called the ZyprexaTM March Bipolar Disorder," he said.  Among bipolar college basketball fans like Devon Trailor of Chapel Hill, NC, reaction to the controversial name-change was mixed: "I was very excited about the new name yesterday, but today I'm not."


Copywrite 2009 - BG

Check out the official Barry G. website



Limbaugh Rooting for Planet to Explode

@ 11:53 PM (72 months, 26 days ago)


In remarks that seemed guaranteed to create controversy, conservative radio host Rush Limbaugh said today that he was "rooting for the planet Earth to explode" because it would help the GOP retake the White House.  Mr. Limbaugh elaborated on his planet explosion theory, explaining that if the world blows up in the next four years "it will happen on Barack Obama's watch."  "Let's face it, the world exploding would be great for the GOP and Barack Obama knows it," he said.  "That's why he is doing everything in his power to keep the planet from blowing up."

While asserting that he had his fingers crossed that the planet would detonate sometime in the next four years, he said that there were other scenarios he found equally appealing.  "If the population of the U.S. was suddenly afflicted with plagues, locusts and open sores, that would be fantastic for the Republican Party," he said.  "I'm rooting for all of those things to happen."

In an appearance on CNN, Republican National Committee chair Michael Steele seemed to distance himself somewhat from Mr. Limbaugh's remarks, telling Wolf Blitzer, "Rush is a great entertainer who just wants to make people laugh, like Bobby Jindal."  Hedging a little, Mr. Steele insisted that despite perceived differences, he and Mr. Limbaugh are on the same page: "Rush is rooting for me to fail, and I am in fact failing."


Copywrite 2009 - BG

Check out the official Barry G. website


GM and Chrysler Stop Making Cars

@ 09:47 PM (72 months, 27 days ago)


GM and Chrysler revealed their rescue plans, which call for the two auto giants to stop making cars and become banks instead.  After reviewing the size of the bailouts that the government has offered to the nation's banks, GM chairman Rick Wagoner said, "Only a total loser would keep making cars."  The CEOs of GM and Chrysler said that in their first official act as banks they would award themselves $10 million bonuses and fly to the Cayman Islands.


Copywrite 2009 - BG

Check out the official Barry G. website