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                                                                                                                                                                                                                                              "I'd rather entrust the government of the United States to the first 400 people in the Boston

 telephone directory than to the faculty of Harvard University."     - William F. Buckley, Jr.

 

2009/5/12

Virgins Eagerly Await Star Trek

Tags:
@ 07:40 PM (6 months, 14 days ago)

 

Paramount Pictures, which is releasing the latest Star Trek movie this Friday, is hoping for record box office returns, fueled by a big turnout from the movie franchise's core audience: virgins.  While the studio has high hopes for the movie's success with the general audience, it is taking great paints to target the group that has flocked to every previous Star Trek film, and that means reaching out to people who have never come close to having sex.

"There is already a terrific buzz about this movie among virgins online," said Paramount distribution spokesman Tracy Klujian.  "The good news for us is, virgins spend a lot of time online."  While Paramount admits that it has done its homework to reach America's virgins, conducting audience testing and focus groups with moviegoers who have never been on a date, they are not taking the virgin audience for granted.  "There are so many things competing for virgins' attention in the marketplace," he said.  "Not just the Internet, but computer games, comic books, and Transformers 2."

Zach Sussberg, 24, a virgin in Flint, Michigan, said that he had cleared out his entire weekend to make sure that he sees the new Star Trek film.  "Everybody says that this new Star Trek is better than sex," he said.  "But hey, I wouldn't know."  Interestingly, Paramount's Klujian said that the studio is not targeting moviegoers involved in the abstinence movement: "Let's face it, those kids are having more sex than anybody."

 

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Comment(s) »

  1. This story has YOU written all over it Duggie.

    Comment by Ed— 2009/05/12 @ 07:44 PM — (Reply)

  2. nOT HUH .. dUGG iS ROOTED IN REALITY AND TREK IS A DREAM ~!

    Comment by jim— 2009/05/13 @ 09:44 PM — (Reply)

  3. Seriously Jimbo, Duggie's connection with "reality" is the same as Kramer's of Seinfeld fame.

    Comment by Ed— 2009/05/13 @ 10:06 PM — (Reply)

  4. ""Let's face it, those kids are having more sex than anybody." But it's always by themselves.

    Comment by Burns— 2009/05/13 @ 01:17 PM — (Reply)

  5. Surely you're not talking about Palin's kid?

    BG

    Comment by Barry G.— 2009/05/13 @ 06:03 PM — (Reply)

  6. Actually, Ed - I hate Star Trek - it's creator was one of THEM - a mason who envisioned a space version of the UN - the whole series is social conditioning in the highest degree - which explains why its been rammed down our throats for 40 years in countless incarnations. Without having seen anything about the new one other than the fact that it exists and is young versions of Kirk & Spock - I'd be willing to bet the plot centers on either terrorism or some planet in ecological disaster or both. Probably have Klingons strapping on bomb vests and Vulcan going through global warming that requires them to kill a third of its residence to save the planet.

    Comment by The Dudeler— 2009/05/13 @ 06:10 PM — (Reply)

  7. No Star Trek fan here. Huge William Shatner fan. That dude is funny as hell and gets funnier every day. I've always thought Star Trek was for idiots.

    What I was referring to was that the Senator's story reminded me of something you would write.

    Comment by Ed— 2009/05/13 @ 06:22 PM — (Reply)

  8. Awwwww man! I thought the next gen and voyager were cool. But then again. I like just about anything sci-fi. Even if it's schlok. WE ARE THE SMORGASBORG. LOWER YOUR NAPKINS FORKS ARE IRRELAVENT. SPOONS ARE IRRELAVENT. WE WILL ASSIMILATE YOUR STIR FRY AND BURRITOS RESISTANCE IS FUTILE. LOL. Riff.

    Comment by riffran— 2009/05/13 @ 07:34 PM — (Reply)

  9. I must admit - the Shat almost made it watchable - I think he's hilarious, too. His series of singing commercials were awesome. I also like how everyone else involved in Star Blecch hates him bitterly.



    You a Galactica guy too, Riff?

    Comment by The Dudeler— 2009/05/13 @ 08:22 PM — (Reply)

  10. the old one. Was cheesey but the new one lost me. I followed stargate. Pretty good and firefly. Eureka. But the one I'm into now is "heroes". Luv it. Riff

    Comment by riffran— 2009/05/13 @ 08:38 PM — (Reply)

  11. I liked the old one too. Lost in Space is still hilarious. But Lost is the greatest show ever. There's never been anything remotely close. I just wish it had been on HBO.

    Comment by The Dudeler— 2009/05/14 @ 11:32 AM — (Reply)

  12. I like the Donald Trump show.

    Comment by Ed— 2009/05/13 @ 08:42 PM — (Reply)

  13. Is the Donald a Freemason and or one of THEM?

    Comment by Ed— 2009/05/13 @ 08:48 PM — (Reply)

  14. You know he is - him and his rug.

    Comment by The Dudeler— 2009/05/14 @ 11:29 AM — (Reply)

  15. Recent conversation I had about this movie:

    Elmers Brother said:

    Scotty: Cap'n they've thrown a weenie in the warp drive!

    Kirk: (speaks into his chair despite the fact that Scotty is standing right next to him)
    Scotty...I've....got...to...have...more...power

    Scotty: I've given 'er all she's got Cap'n

    May 8, 2009 8:43 AM

    beamish said...
    Scotty: I'm giving her all I got, she cannae take much more!

    Kirk: Mr. Scott, get off that Orion girl and back to engineering...

    ba dump bump...

    May 8, 2009 9:25 AM

    Elmers Brother said...
    Scotty: But Cap'n they've got the dilithium crystals..I'm merely searching for them in this Orion girl...

    Cap'n Kirk: (still speaking into the chair, though Scotty is standing next to him)

    Besides Scotty you know those Orion girls have nothing on the Seven Sisters of Pleiades...well I remember once in the Maia Nebula, there was Sterope herself...my my my

    Scotty: That's not in the script!

    May 8, 2009 9:40 AM

    beamish said...
    Spock: Fascinating.

    McCoy: You always say that.

    May 8, 2009 10:01 AM

    Elmers Brother said...
    Cap'n Kirk: (looking up reminiscing) You remember Scotty...we booked that trip on Travelocity.

    Scotty: (looks to the director off stage) Is he mad?

    Director shrugs shoulders and encourages Scotty to play along)

    Scotty: (shrugs back and nods) Uh..I don't remember the trip Cap'n...

    Cap'n Kirk: You don't remember? You were so drunk you tried to beam us back with your phaser and nearly shot a whole in your head. (laughs hysterically)

    Scotty: Aye Cap'n (rolls eyes) I remember...(looks at director again)

    Cap'n Kirk: Those were the salad days...

    May 8, 2009 10:04 AM

    beamish said...
    Sulu: NOMAD is suspended from the ceiling by strings!

    Chekov: It's true, Kepten. Sulu is the only one floating on the bridge.

    Director: CUT! CUT! DAMNED IT! CUT!

    May 8, 2009 10:10 AM

    Elmers Brother said...
    Sulu: Chekov has some nice tight buns.

    Chekov: IF that 'guy' doesn't stop with the harrassment so help me...

    Scotty: Easy Chekov, it's the 60's, sexual harrassment doesn't become a legal action till at least the eighties.

    Director: Gentlemen...and Nichelle...let's start from the top

    READY AND ACTION!

    Cap'n Kirk: (muttering to himself) Of course there was that menage trois with Uhura and the tribble...

    Director: Will someone get Bill his meds...

    May 8, 2009 10:15 AM

    FJ said...
    ....somebody activate the self-destruct sequence. And tell them that this time it ain't a bluff...

    May 8, 2009 10:28 AM

    Elmers Brother said...
    Cap'n Kirk: Righto Admiral...right after I relate this story about our trip to the Tadpole Galaxy...

    I was a young man then...

    Scotty: That's it. I cannae work with this man.

    Spock: Perhaps the logical phrase you should have used was "will not" work with this man.

    Scotty: Shut up you pointy eared 'B' actor.

    Spock: (still in character) Shall I use the Vulcan Mind Meld on the Captain?

    Scotty: Why are you still in character? NO I DON'T think you should use the vulcan mind meld.

    Spock: Perhaps the vulcan shoulder grip thingy I do to make people pass out?

    Scotty: Storms off stage muttering to himself.

    Spock: Fascinating.

    Scotty: ARRRGGHHH

    Cap'n Kirk:....as I recall we were traveling at ludicrous speed when the shields went down and the brakes failed. You remember that Scotty?

    Scotty? (chases after Scotty offstage)

    Sulu: Oh goody I get to sit in the Captains chair.

    (as he claps his hands and runs like a girl)

    May 8, 2009 10:44 AM

    beamish said...
    Picard: Computer! Run a voice analysis on Nurse Chapel and Ambassador Troi.

    Computer: I hate it when you do that.

    May 8, 2009 11:45 AM

    beamish said...
    see the computer's voice on Star Trek and Nurse Chapel and Deanna Troi's mom were all protrayed by Majel Barrett... Gene Roddenberry's wife...

    and now that you get the joke, you're a nerd too.

    May 8, 2009 1:08 PM

    Steve Harkonnen said...
    Spock: yes captain, it was once a thriving capitalistic nation, but totally annihilated from within. A new president took office, and they simply pressed the self destruct button. Fascinating.

    Kirk: Any signs of life forms? Any survivors?

    Spock: Sensors show several life forms with weapons on the planet surface. However, all indications of homosexuals, liberals, trans-genders and oprah winfrey, and anyone named Ducky are all dead.

    Kirk: Great! Let's send down a landing party and tell Uhura, Nurse Chapel and that Romulan chick to bring the dancing poles and dress accordingly as it is time to celebrate!

    May 8, 2009 1:30 PM

    Steve Harkonnen said...
    Picard: Computer! Run a voice analysis on Nurse Chapel and Ambassador Troi.

    Computer: I'm afraid I can't do that, Dave.

    Comment by Elmers Brother— 2009/05/13 @ 10:36 PM — (Reply)

  16. "DAMZZZZZZ" ELBO .. WAZZ U MOKINZZZZZ TA COMEZZZZ UP WUIT DAT ??? FUNNY AZZZZZZ HEKZZZZZ ..... HHAHAHAAAA !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Comment by aza spade— 2009/05/13 @ 10:45 PM — (Reply)

  17. My favorite gag line was a clip showing two guys dressed up like kirk and spock, standing out in a pasture*(communicator noise) tweeeeet tweet tweet tweet tweeeeeeeeet* Scotty....beam us aboard"......and a 2x4 falls out of a tree and beans kirk in the head....it took a few seconds of going *huh???*..and then I got it...rofl...riff

    Comment by riffran— 2009/05/14 @ 12:14 AM — (Reply)

  18. Star trek was a great show back in the day but it doesnt appeal to me now ! I guess Reality is getting in the way.

    Comment by jim— 2009/05/14 @ 11:18 AM — (Reply)

  19. i like the way he sings.his rendition of cats in the cradle is a chart topper

    Comment by mos— 2009/05/20 @ 04:22 PM — (Reply)

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