a small dose of reality

As the world responded with a mixture of surprise and amazement to the announcement of President Obama's Nobel Peace Prize, Nobel insiders revealed that the President's "beer summit" at the White House put him over the top.  "The committee was definitely split down the middle right up until the end," said Agot Valle, a Norwegian politician and member of the five-person Nobel committee.  "Some of them were still quite upset about that nasty business with the Somali pirates."

But, according to Ms. Valle, "someone brought up the beer summit, and we all agreed that that was awesome."  Ms. Valle said she hoped that Mr. Obama's victory would be seen not only as a victory for him, but "as a tribute to the healing power of beer."

Ms. Valle acknowledged that the President's win was widely considered an upset, with most pundits having expected the prize to go to Mad Men or 30 Rock.

Copywrite 2009 - BG

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One day after North Korea launched a successful test of a nuclear weapon, President Obama said that the United States was prepared to respond to the threat with "the strongest possible adjectives."  In remarks to reporters at the White House, Mr. Obama said that North Korea should fear the "full force and might of the United States' arsenal of adjectives" and called the missile test "reckless, reprehensible, objectionable, senseless, egregious and condemnable."

Standing at the President's side, Vice President Joseph Biden weighed in with some tough adjectives of his own, branding North Korean President Kim Jong-Il "totally wack and illin'."  Later in the day, Defense Secretary Robert Gates called the North Korean nuclear test "supercilious and jejune," leading some in diplomatic circles to worry that the U.S. might be running out of appropriate adjectives with which to craft its response.

But President Obama attempted to calm those fears, saying that the United States was prepared to "scour the thesaurus" to come up with additional adjectives and was "prepared to use adverbs" if necessary.  "Let's be clear: we are not taking adverbs off the table," Mr. Obama said.  "If the need arises, we will use them forcefully, aggressively, swiftly, overwhelmingly and commandingly."

Copywrite 2009 - BG

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In the first major initiative of his presidency, President Barack Obama today dispatched Vice President Joe Biden on what he called “an important and special mission” to Antarctica.

The news of Mr. Biden’s unexpected trip appeared to take the Vice President by surprise, as he was in the middle of making a joke about Chief Justice John Roberts to members of the press corps when the President interrupted him with the news.

“Here’s how John Roberts sings the National Anthem,” Mr. Biden was saying.  “’Oh see can you say…’”

Mr. Obama, yanking away Mr. Biden’s microphone, then informed him of the extraordinary journey to the South Pole he was about to undertake.

The President was vague about what the mission to Antarctica would entail, but he did indicate that it could take “up to four years.”

While some witnesses to the scene said that Mr. Biden seemed surprised by the news, his wife, Dr. Jill Biden, offered another version of events during an appearance later in the day on “Oprah.”

“Joe was given a choice of places to go and he picked Antarctica,” she said.  “President Obama said he could also go to the moon or Mars.”

Dr. Biden’s remarks were cut short when President Obama appeared on the set and unplugged her microphone.

Other than the Biden news, Mr. Obama’s day went as planed, meeting with senior staff, drawing up a budget, and being sworn in as President for the third time.

Copywrite 2008 - BG

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When he is inaugurated on January 20, President-elect Barack Obama is on track to become the most ass-kissed president in the nation's history, some historians believe.

Those experts say that with conservative pundits and evangelists scurrying to hop aboard the Obama bandwagon, in addition to the liberal talking heads who have been kissing his ass for months, the President-elect's buttocks are being sucked to a degree that is without precedent.

"Abraham Lincoln is perhaps our country's greatest president," says Doris Kearns Goodwin, noted historian and author of the bestselling Team of Rivals,  "but he never had his fanny kissed like this."

At MSNBC, a top executive announced today that the news network would suspend its regular programming between now and the Inauguration "to administer one long, glorious blowjob to President-elect Barack Obama."

The network's new promos reflect this agenda, as a disembodied voice asks the viewer, "Do you remember the moment when you fell in love with Barack Obama?"

At the final press conference of his presidency, George W. Bush ruefully contrasted his treatment by the press with the historic level of suckage being bestowed on the President-elect's buttal region.

"You people never kissed my hiney like you're kissing his, and you know it," Mr. Bush said.  "As far as I'm concerned, you bastards can all go to hell."

Mr. Bush later struck an elegiac note, saying that he was considering several options for his retirement, including a return to full-time drinking.

Copywrite 2008 - BG

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“I am just trying to reach out to as many people as I can,” she told the press corps. “I want them to get to know Barack Obama, the woman.”

Minutes after the former Sen. Clinton announced her decision, however, she received a harsh rebuke from the Obama campaign, who claimed that the Illinois senator has exclusive rights to the Barack Obama name, since his name is actually Barack Obama.

“Hillary has no right to change her name to Barack Obama and she knows it,” said Carol Foyler, a spokesperson for the Obama campaign. “If she wants to steal another candidate’s name, why doesn’t she take Kucinich?”

Coming to the New York senator’s defense was her husband, former president Bill Clinton, who told CNN that “it is every American’s right to change his or her name to Barack Obama.”

Copywrite 2007  -  Barry G.

“I am behind my wife’s decision one hundred percent,” said Mr. Clinton, who said he will now be known as Michelle Obama.